A Covid-19 poem

Things are feeling better now but I don’t know
whether they actually are better. Nothing
has changed – the cogs continue to turn.
The home is panopticon. State is self-surveillance
in the disintegrated human-
every mistake, a crushing boulder,
when one hope is lost, a faint firefly
I still hate myself I still feel like I need help
Have you forgotten how to live? Why
try to do everything yourself? Trauma shrugs
it doesn’t go. Ribcages tighten and collapse
It is much easier to hate and remain inside
to not move forward.
Lungs are out of breath
become again.
“I’m worried about you.
Let’s talk.”
as if talking would change anything
but remind me that I am loved
All I want to proclaim is that I don’t recognise myself.
Love – a question or an open invitation?
What is the answer to suffering?
Not death. I don’t remember much of it anymore.
Only love, always suffering, union this side of the veil.
Always love. Who? I was looking at faces in RGB.
I didn’t expect the outside world to be so green.

Singapore returns to Phase 2 of Covid-19 restrictions after an influx of community-spread cases.